ButterPies.com - Doing the kid thing

My daughter Zoe is 2 but sometimes, does what she knows is wrong, smiling and watching us the whole time to see what we will do. Here’s what’s worked for us so far (emphasis on the ’so far’)
Here’s how we do time outs. 1 minute for every year they are, so for Zoe, its 2 minutes. She sits in a chair, removed from where she is playing. It doesn’t have to be the same one, but when we are at home, we have a designated chair in the corner of the dining room. When she needs a time out, we say ‘you can’t do xyz, now you have to have a time out’. We then pick her up in the least interesting way possible - no eye contact, no cuddling. Time out is not a way to get attention. We put her in the chair, lean down to her level and look her right in the eye and say ‘you are in time out for 2 minutes. you have to sit there until you hear the beeps’. We set the oven timer and then end up hovering, again, no eye contact or talking except to say ‘you’re in time-out’ until the beeps go. If what she did was hurt her little brother or the dog, we pay a lot of attention to the injured party. Idea being that hurting someone doesn’t get you attention either.

If she gets up or flops around, we put her back in the chair saying ‘you’re in time-out’ but we don’t extend the time right now. Early on, it took a lot of putting her back in. Sometimes, I stand right in front of her to keep her in the chair.

When the timer goes off, we are happy and don’t bring up the topic again. She can get up then or she can sit in the chair longer if she wants, which she actually does every once in awhile. We usually try to do something different than whatever brought on the time-out. Switch toys or rooms we are playing in. We haven’t yet (cross my fingers) had to do more than this, the time-out does what it is supposed to.

Heading into it and now that she nows what time-out is, here’s what we’ve done so far. First, I tell her no, don’t do xyz. She does it again, I say, if you do xyz, you will have a time out. Depending what it is, I will also add in ‘take your foot off the table on 3. 1…2…3′ (Someone on MOTH suggested the counting and its a great idea. Gives her a couple of seconds to process and agree with what I’m saying)

Then I try to distract her with something else or ask her a question unrelated to the situation. I’ve found that its important for me not to anticipate that she’s going to do something wrong - I always was sitting there waiting for her to do it again so I could punish her, which was kind of silly. I try very hard (sometimes unsuccessfully) to move past it and set her up to succeed in listening to what I say. Depends on how much sleep I got the night before

If she does it again, she goes into time out.

Now, if she hurts anyone (biting, hitting etc) like her little brother or one of the dogs, it is an immediate time-out without any discussion.

The hard part for us how to deal with time-outs at bedtime and in the car. We haven’t figured out anything for that so far and would love any advice that anyone has.

Every kid is different but that’s what’s working for us so far. I hope that helps and good luck!